You’re Allowed to Ask Questions During Birth: Understanding Informed Consent

A pregnant woman having a collaborative conversation with her healthcare provider while her partner and doula provide support, representing informed consent and shared decision-making during birth.

You’re Allowed to Ask Questions During Birth: Understanding Informed Consent

There may be a moment during pregnancy or birth when someone walks into the room and says:

“We’d like to…”

“We recommend…”

“We need to…”

And suddenly, you have a decision to make.

Maybe it’s something you already discussed with your provider. Or maybe it’s something you weren’t expecting at all.

Either way, I want you to remember something:

You are allowed to ask questions.

Asking questions doesn't mean you don't trust your provider.

It doesn't mean you're being difficult.

And it doesn't mean you're refusing care.

It means you want to understand what is happening to your body and your baby before making a decision.

That is part of informed consent.

Informed Consent Is More Than Signing a Form

We often think of consent as a signature.

Someone explains a procedure, hands you a form, and you sign at the bottom.

But informed consent should be more than paperwork.

It's a conversation.

You should have information you can understand about what is being recommended, why it's being recommended, the potential benefits and risks, and what other reasonable options may be available.

And when circumstances allow, you should have an opportunity to ask questions before deciding.

Sometimes your answer will be yes.

Sometimes it may be no.

Sometimes it may be:

“I need a few minutes to think about this.”

All three can be part of participating in your care.

Birth Can Move Quickly

There's an important distinction here.

Sometimes birth changes quickly.

There can be situations where your health or your baby's health requires immediate attention, and your medical team may need to act fast.

This conversation isn't about pretending emergencies don't happen.

It's also not about teaching families to question every single recommendation simply for the sake of questioning it.

It's about recognizing that when there is time to have a conversation, you deserve to be part of that conversation.

One of the simplest questions you can ask is:

“Is this an emergency, or do we have a few minutes to talk about our options?”

That question alone can help you understand the situation you're in.

BRAIN'D: A Tool for Making Decisions

During pregnancy, I like helping families practice a simple decision-making tool called BRAIN'D.

You don't have to memorize a script.

You don't have to ask every question every time.

Think of BRAIN'D as a way to slow the conversation down enough to understand what's being recommended.

B — Benefits

What are the benefits?

Why is this being recommended?

What are we hoping this intervention, medication, procedure, or change in plan will accomplish?

R — Risks

What are the risks?

What potential side effects or complications should I understand?

Every option can have benefits and risks. You deserve information about both.

A — Alternatives

What are the alternatives?

Is there another reasonable option?

Could we try something else first?

Sometimes there are alternatives. Sometimes there aren't. The important thing is understanding what's available in your particular situation.

I — Intuition

What is my intuition telling me?

Information matters.

So does knowing yourself.

After hearing the information, notice what you're feeling. Is there something you still don't understand? Is there a concern you haven't voiced? Do you need another question answered before you feel comfortable deciding?

Intuition doesn't replace medical information. It gives you space to recognize what you may still need before making your decision.

N — Nothing

What happens if we do nothing right now?

Or perhaps:

What happens if we wait?

This doesn't mean refusing care.

You're trying to understand the timeline.

Does something need to happen immediately?

Can we reassess in 15 minutes?

An hour?

Is waiting medically reasonable—or would delaying significantly change the risk?

Sometimes the answer will be, “We really shouldn't wait.”

That's important information too.

D — Decision & Discussion

What decision feels right for me after considering my options?

And:

What do I still need to discuss with my provider or support team before deciding?

This is where the information comes together.

You may want to talk privately with your partner.

You may have another question for your provider.

You may want your doula to help you remember what was discussed.

And then you make the decision that feels right for you based on the information available at that moment.

Your Partner Can Use BRAIN'D Too

Here's something I think we sometimes overlook in birth preparation:

The laboring person doesn't have to carry the entire mental load.

Labor is work.

You may be breathing through contractions, exhausted, uncomfortable, emotional, or simply trying to stay focused.

This is one reason I like teaching decision-making tools during pregnancy.

Your partner can know them too.

Instead of expecting you to remember six questions during an intense contraction, your partner might ask:

“Do we have a few minutes to talk about this?”

Or:

“Can you explain the benefits and risks again?”

That's meaningful support.

Your partner isn't making the decision for you. They're helping create space for you to receive the information you need.

And Where Does Your Doula Fit?

Your doula doesn't give medical advice.

We don't diagnose.

We don't tell you what medical decision to make.

And we don't speak for you when you are able to speak for yourself.

What we can do is help you stay connected to your own voice.

I may remind you:

“You had a question about that during our prenatal visit.”

I may ask:

“Would you like a moment to talk together?”

I may help you remember the BRAIN'D questions we practiced.

Or I may simply stay beside you while you process what you've heard.

Sometimes advocacy looks much quieter than people imagine.

It isn't always someone standing up and challenging the room.

Sometimes advocacy is creating enough space for you to say:

“I don't understand. Can you explain that again?”

You Don't Need Medical Vocabulary to Participate in Your Care

You are not expected to become an obstetrician because you're pregnant.

You don't need to know every intervention.

You don't need to understand every acronym.

And you shouldn't feel embarrassed because you need something explained differently.

Try:

“Can you explain that in a way I can understand?”

That's a complete question.

So is:

“What does that mean for my baby?”

Or:

“What happens next?”

Healthcare professionals use medical language every day.

You don't.

It's okay to ask them to translate it.

Practice Before Labor

One of the best times to practice asking questions is before you need them.

At a prenatal appointment, ask your provider about something you've been wondering about.

Talk through possible scenarios with your partner.

Bring questions to your prenatal doula visits.

Practice BRAIN'D together.

Because when you've already practiced saying:

“What are my options?”

it's a little easier to say it when the moment actually comes.

Your Voice Belongs in the Room

Birth is unpredictable.

You can't prepare for every possibility.

And informed consent doesn't mean you'll always have unlimited time or every option you hoped for.

It means that whenever circumstances allow, you are treated as a participant in decisions about your body and your care.

You deserve information you can understand.

You deserve the opportunity to ask questions.

You deserve respectful communication.

And you deserve support as you make decisions.

So if someone recommends something during your pregnancy or birth and you don't understand it, remember:

You are allowed to ask.

Your questions aren't an inconvenience.

Your voice belongs in the room.

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